I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
