please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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