Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
