Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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