i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
