I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
