All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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