they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He shit in the fireplace
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
