sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
