Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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