I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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