Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
