No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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