is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
