And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dont even know how to be here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
