I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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