I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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