Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
