now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
