they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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