either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
