I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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