I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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