i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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