I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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