I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
