She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
