Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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