big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
