I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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