He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
