You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
