A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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