How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
