My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm like, not good at living.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
