I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
