well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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