i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
