What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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