sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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