I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
