I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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