Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
