You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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