eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
