I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
