would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
