I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
