I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
