So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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