can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
