She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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