We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
