Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Houston, we have a blender
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
