Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
