You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
