I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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